5 books read in October 2023

 

1. Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing by Lauren Hough* (audiobook) (Cate Blanchett narrates half of this so that's a win. People are wayyyyyyy too harsh on this book because Hough is annoying online sometimes. Good thing I'm not like other girls and I can separate author from the book. It makes reading so much more enjoyable and intellectually fulfilling, try it sometime.) (My storygraph review: ignore the people who gave it 1 or 2 star reviews they have worms for brains. This is an incredibly nuanced and interesting collection of essays about a lesbian ex-military ex-cult former incarcerated who lived in many countries. My "favorite" bits were about her bouncer and blue-collar job days and dealing with her mental health. And hearing her describe her past relationships. I haven't read Stone Butch Blues yet but based on vibes this feels like it's in conversation with that.)
2. The Running Grave by Robert Galbraith (okay yes I separate book from author but that doesn't mean I give money to transphobes. I illegally downloaded this so the author doesn't get any money from me. I'm not a huge detective mystery fan but I loooooove the books in this series. I view JKR as a John Grisham type now, kind of a pulpy writer. This is the weakest in the Strike series.)
3. Biting the Hand: Growing Up Asian in Black and White America by Julia Lee* (Good! Felt like an accessible college textbook, I could see this being used in a discussion group.)
4. Strong Female Character by Fern Brady* (audiobook) (a memoir by a Scottish comic who is autistic. I think this is my first nonfiction book by an openly autistic person. I learned a lot and will definitely recommend it widely. Love a Scottish accent audiobook.)
5. Open Throat by Henry Hoke (library) (POV of a mountain lion who lives in LA and has very interesting thoughts. About climate grief and human/animal interactions and a very quick read.)

the star * symbol means it's very good. But it's important to know that I never complete "bad" books, so if I finished it then that means there's something worthwhile about it.

Books Read in Peace Corps

I've read a lot of Peace Corps blogs and my FAVORITE part is always their reading lists. People read a lot more when they don't have internet! Wild concept! My average books-per-year since graduating university is 79.4, with 69 being the minimum and 101 the maximum, so let's see how much I can read when I my data at site is so slow it might as well be non-existent. :) 

Here's a list of all the books I read during the Peace Corps, starting January 31-TBD.

KEY:

ª audiobook

** favorite 

+ poetry

~ nonfiction

Year 1:

1. ~The Lives of African Women by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah 
2. ~Madly, Deeply: The Diaries of Alan Rickman by Alan Rickman
3. N.P. by Banana Yoshimoto (translated by Ann Sherif)
4. Embarrassing Book #1 That I Shan't Name
5. The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin
6. ~Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
7. The Last Days of Judas Iscariot: A Play by Stephen Adly Guirgis
8. I'm a Fan by Sheena Patel
9. **The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
10. **Pod by Laline Paull
11. Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld
12. Heartstopper Volume 2 by Alice Oseman
13. ~Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott
14. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
15. Heartstopper Volume 3 by Alice Oseman
16. ~A Concise Guide to the Quran by Ayman S. Ibrahim 
17. ~Perfect Compost by Simon Akeroyd
18. ~Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Sheryl WuDunn and Nicholas D. Kristof
19. **Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
20. The English Understand Wool by Helen DeWitt
21. ª~Testosterone Rex by Cordelia Fine
22. ~Man's Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frankl
23. **Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore
24. Ms Ice Sandwhich by Mieko Kawakami (translated by Louise Heal Kawai)
25. ª~Embarrassing Book #2
26. Posh by Lauren Wade

Guinea? I Hardly Know Yee!

 

I arrived in Guinea on February 3rd and I'll be here for the next 27 months, if all goes according to plan. 

Guinea is in West Africa. There are FOUR countries with the word "Guinea" in their name but the Guinea I'm living in is the only straight-up GUINEA. Yes it can be confusing so here's a short animated youtube video you can watch to learn about the naming history of the four guinea's. 

It's my first time on the continent of Africa and I'm vibing with it so hard. Nice people, good food, lots of lizards and fruit producing trees. Of course, I've only been here for a short time and explored a little bit of the town our Peace Corps training center is in. But from that small glimpse I really like it here! I feel better here, like I can breath a bit more deeply.

Speaking of breathing deeply, I have COVID lol. I had allergy-like symptoms last week but then last Sunday (almost a week from writing this) I woke up with a really stuffy nose so I took a rapid test just to check. If we get a positive Covid test we have to be in quarantine for 5 days from when symptoms started, then do another test and if it's negative do another test 2 days later. So if you're "lucky" you're only in isolation for 7 full days. Sadly on Thursday I tested positive again so that added 2 more days to my sentence. Today (Saturday, day 6) I tested negative so I'll take another test Monday and if THAT'S negative then I'm a free woman. 

I've tried to keep up with my French studying but man self-study is so hard. And not as fun! It's fun to learn something and then go out into the community and actually use it. But c'est la vie. These are the cards I've been dealt. It's better to get Covid during training than when I'm at my site. At least here I have internet and oscillating fans and a shower!

Reading List

This is a continuously updated post.

Here's a list of great books I've read from different countries and US regions! Some are translated, some are written in English by authors whose families are from those countries. This is obviously not an exhaustive list but a jumping off point. I have SO MANY books by Japanese and Korean authors downloaded on my Kobo for Peace Corps reading 

If you want to buy any of these books, please purchase them through my Bookshop page! Independent bookstores will get the sale and I'll get a few cents. I'll try to update my Bookshop list often but this list is so big so forgive me if I'm behind.

Countries are in alphabetical order and authors are in alphabetical order by their last names.

Argentina

    Little Eyes by Samanta Schweblin (translated by Megan McDowell)

Chile

    The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende

Egypt

    When Women Ruled the World: Six Queens of Egypt by Kara Cooney

France

    Lunch in Paris: A Love Story with Recipes by Elizabeth Bard

    French Exit by Patrick deWitt

    Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins (don't judge it's fun ok!!)

    The Perfect Nanny by Leila Slimani (translated by Sam Taylor)

Ghana

    Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

Iceland

    Magma by Thora Hjorleifsdottir (translated by Meg Matich)

    Miss Iceland by Auour Ava Olafsdottir (translated by Brian FitzGibbon)

India

    Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity by Katherine Boo

    Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie

Ireland

    The Secret Place by Tana French

    Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe

    Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan

    Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt

    Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney

Japan

    Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami (translated by Sam Bett)

    If Cats Disappeared From the World by Genki Kawamura (translated by Eric Selland)

    The Woman in the Purple Skirt by Natsuko Imamura (translated by Lucy North)

    The Lonesome Bodybuilder: Stories by Yukiko Motoya (translated by Asa Yoneda)

    Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata (translated by Ginny Tapley Takemori)

    Earthlings by Sayaka Murata (translated by Ginny Tapley Takemori)

    The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yoko Ogawa (translated by Stephen Snyder)

    Diary of a Void by Emi Yagi (translated by David Boyd and Lucy North)

    Dead-End Memories: Stories by Banana Yoshimoto (translated by Asa Yoneda)

    Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto (translated by Megan Backus)

Nigeria

    My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

    Under the Udala Trees by Chinelo Okparanta

    Questions for Ada by Ijeoma Umebinyuo

North Korea

    Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick

    Without You, There is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea's Elite by Suki Kim

    The Girl with Seven Names by Hyeonseo Lee

South Korea

    If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha

    Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo (translated by Jamie Chang)

    DMZ Colony by Don Mee Choi

    The Old Woman with the Knife by Gu Byeong-mo (translated by Chi-Young Kim)

    Human Acts by Han Kang (translated by Deborah Smith)

    The Vegetarian by Han Kang (translated by Deborah Smith)

    The White Book by Han Kang (translated by Deborah Smith)

    I'm Waiting for You by Bo-Young Kim (translated by Sophie Bowman and Sung Ryu)

    If You Leave Me by Crystal Hana Kim

    Banned Book Club by Kim Hyun Sook and Ryan Estrada

    b, Book, and Me by Kim Sagwa (translated by Sunhee Jeong)

    The Cabinet by Un-su Kim (translated by Sean Lin Halbert

    Lemon by Kwon Yeo-sun (translated by Janet Hong)

    Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

    Love in the Big City by Sang Young Park (translated by Anton Hur)

    Please Look After Mom by Kyung-sook Shin (translated by Chi-Young Kim)

Sweden

    The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson 

    An Elderly Lady Must Not Be Crossed by Helene Tursten (translated by Marlaine Delargy)

United Kingdom

    Brick Lane by Monica Ali

    Talking to Women by Nell Dun

    Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo

    Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding

    84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Haniff

    Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal

    The Ghost MapL The Story of London's Most Terrifying Epidemic by Steven Johnson

    To Bed With Grand Music by Marghanita Laski

    How to Build a Girl by Caitlin Moran

    One Day by David Nicholls

US South

    South of Broad by Pat Conroy

    The Great Santini by Pat Conroy

    The Lords of Discipline by Pat Conroy

    The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy

    Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo

    Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg

    Shug by Jenny Han

    Rabbit Cake by Annie Hartnett

    The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

    The Prophets by Robert Jones Jr.

    Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver

    The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw

    Dress Codes for Small Towns by Courtney C. Stevens

    The Color Purple by Alice Walker

    The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

    Cat on a Hot Tin Roof by Tennessee Williams

US West

    The Solace of Open Spaces by Gretel Ehrlich

    Unsolaced: Along the Way to All That Is by Gretel Ehrlich

    Billionaire Wilderness: The Ultra-Wealthy and the Remaking of the American West by Justin Farrell

    Cowboys Are My Weakness by Pam Houston

    Deep Creek: Finding Hope in the High Country by Pam Houston

    The Laramie Project by Moises Kaufman with Tectonic Theater Project

    Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith by Jon Krakauer

    They Called Her Mrs. Doc by Janette Oak

    Wyoming Stories by Annie Proulx

Vietnam

    The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen

General Travel

    Atlas of a Lost World: Travels in Ice Age America by Craig Childs

    All Over the Place: Adventures in Travel, True Love, and Petty Theft by Geraldine Deruiter

    From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by Caitlin Doughty

    Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (let go of your judgments, the book is actually good)

    The Anthropocene Reviewed: Essays on a Human-Centered Planet by John Green

    Less by Andrew Sean Greer

    The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Place in the World by Eric Weiner

    Brilliant Maps for Curious Minds: 100 New Ways to See the Word by Ian Wright

Top 20 Books I Read in 2020

 

I read 103 books in 2020, if you can believe it. Here are my 20 favorite, in alphabetical order. There's some crossover with my 15 Best Books I Read in the First Half of 2020 list, so head over there if you want more recommendations. 

I'll be linking all books to Bookshop.org, where you can support independent bookshops and give me a few cents to buy more books if you purchase through one of my lists. REMEMBER: no buying books from Amazon! 

1. 84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff

        WHAT I LOVED: It's a collection of letters between Helene and a used bookshop in London and how she becomes friends with all the staff over the years. Sounds lame but the moral of the story is to Just Go! Live Your Life! The Future Doesn't Exist So Don't Count On It To Be There! That's what I gathered, at least. Also it's a cool look into post-WWII England. 

2. Brilliant Maps for Curious Minds by Ian Wright

        WHAT I LOVED: Lots of fun maps that highlight different facts and issues in the world! Just lots and lots of data compiled in a pretty way and honestly it's the perfect gift book for all ages.

3. City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert

        WHAT I LOVED: The audiobook was amazing and the best fiction book I've ever listened to. The narrator gives me big Carrie Fisher vibes. If you need an interesting, boozy auntie to give you life advice through stories (which is something we all need tbh), then this is the perfect book for you.

4. Cowboys Are My Weakness: Stories by Pam Houston

        WHAT I LOVED: 2020 has really turned me into a short story bitch. I love short stories! There's no time to fart around with a short story, the author needs to make every line and word count. And Pam Houston is so good! These stories are about women living interesting lives and I've already put this collection on my "to re-read" list.

5. Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong

        WHAT I LOVED: You'll love this collection even if you've never seen her Netflix stand-up specials. Ali is hilarious and relatable. Her essays on motherhood and study abroad in Vietnam and her relationship with her husband are my favorite. Definitely required reading for anyone that wants to marry me. 

6. Eiger Dreams: Ventures Among Men and Mountains by Jon Krakaur

        WHAT I LOVED: Listen. There is only one living white male author I love with my whole heart and that is Jon Krakaur. This is a collection of his best essays he's written over the years, so it's a great way to learn about all the different ways humans recreationally interact with the natural world.

7. Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton 

        WHAT I LOVED: I love how honestly she talks about her friendships and big mess ups. Big Frances Ha (2012) vibes. 

8. Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo

        WHAT I LOVED: Evaristo is amazing. She is able to fit so many issues into ONE GOOD novel! The writing style is more "artsy" compared to typical fiction, but it's still super accessible. I liked how all the stories connected in little ways that make you feel a detective for piecing things together. 

9. If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha

        WHAT I LOVED: I've read a fair amount of Korean-focused fiction and this one really hit it out of the park. It's follows four women navigating life and trying to survive in spite of the patriarchy. Explores how beauty = power, but is it really power if you're only "allowed" power through men who think you're beautiful? Much to think about. 

10. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakaur

        WHAT I LOVED: I love Jon, okay? It's not a phase, mom! Hostels are great because you have no other option but to read the books you've always been meaning to get to someday. Today is someday!

11. Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

        WHAT I LOVED: The perfect book for men who claim to be feminists or don't think feminism is necessary. You should give this book to your male friend who says he's "fiscally conservative and socially liberal" and is an Elon Musk fan. That's the demographic this book will have the most impact on, because there's so much data they can jerk off to. A good book for everyone to read, should be on high school and college recommended reading lists. 

12. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

        WHAT I LOVED: Very soothing, a balm for the soul. Reading this book was one of the rare times I felt truly relaxed in 2020. 

13. My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

        WHAT I LOVED: Actual complicated characters and questionable morals! Love that.

14. Shug by Jenny Han

        WHAT I LOVED: A re-read of a middle school favorite! You probably know Jenny Han from the All the Boys I've Loved Before fame, but I think this is her best book! She captures that weird kid-turning-into-adult conundrum perfectly. 

15. Standard Deviation by Katherine Heiny

        WHAT I LOVED: A true joy! Usually zany, kooky female characters can be insufferable or obvious wish-fulfillment, but this book is so sharp and smart! Can't wait to let a few years pass and I forget all the details so I can read it again.  

16. The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

        WHAT I LOVED: A fantastic history of the American prison system and how its been used to target black people. Another book that is Required Reading on my life syllabus, along with Invisible Women.

17. The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot

        WHAT I LOVED: I can't even describe to you how much fun it is to read this entire series. The first three books are narrated by Anne Hathaway and I NEED her to do more audiobook work because she is extremely talented. These books are great for when you need to give your mind a break but they're still very smart. 

18. Three Women by Lisa Taddeo 

        WHAT I LOVED: Taddeo follows three women and their sex lives over the years. Gets into the nitty gritty and I LOVE nitty gritty!!! You will cringe, laugh, feel sad, feel optimistic, feel everything. Especially when you remember these are real people. 

19. Troubled Blood by Robert Galbraith

        WHAT I LOVED: When I say I inhaled this book, I mean I read all 900+ pages in 4 days. I can't remember the last time I've obsessively read a book. I love how this is somehow fast passed and a slow burn at the same time??

20. You Think It, I'll Say It by Curtis Sittenfeld 

        WHAT I LOVED: I've been toying with the idea of liking short stories for awhile, but Sittenfeld has me 100% convinced. I adore everything she writes. She really is That Bitch.

I read a lot of good books in 2020 and am excited for what I'll read this year!

What did you read in 2020?

xoxoxoxo Vic

things I saw in Idaho

 

a moose. a MOOSE!!! up way too close and way too personal.

a second moose. thankfully from a safe distance away.

a bald eagle doing a barrel roll (how sick is that?)

squirrels that were rather small compared to Virginia squirrels.

the Milky-Motherfuckin-Way!!!

so many stars.

lots of pine trees.

many junipers and sage brushes too! 

two mountain goats! they look like concerned and wise dogs that are a little disappointed in you.

spectacular sunsets.

a baby woodpecker!

1,000+ year old cedar trees (imagine how much they've seen).

Idaho is great. You should go. 

Books in Translation: Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (Korea)

Translated by Jamie Chang

                            

Kim Jiyoung is a normal woman who lives a normal life in Seoul, except one day she starts acting like other people. Gut reaction would assume that she has a personality disorder, but once you read about her life you learn there's way more to her story.

This book is an interesting character study about modern day feminism in Korea. I like how Cho Nam-Joo shows how it's the little things, the passive aggressive aggressions at work and in daily life, that build up over time and just need an excuse to explode. At times the language felt a little dry which at first I attributed to the translation but the ending ties everything together nicely. And wow, what an ending! It will leave you frustrated but that's the point.  

Link to buy:
Bookshop.org
also check your local library! 

15 Best Books I Read in the First Half of 2020

how I'm tryna be

I'll be linking all books to Bookshop.org, where you can support independent bookshops and give me a few cents to buy more books if you purchase through one of my lists. REMEMBER: no buying books from Amazon! 

So far in 2020 I have read 50 books (some physical, some ebooks, some audiobooks...reading is reading!) and here are my favorites. Making this list made me realize how many great books I've read so far this year! You should read them too, then shoot me an email or message on Goodreads to tell me what you think or recommend similar books. 

1. The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander 

    READ IF YOU: live in America/care about America

2. Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo 

    READ IF YOU: haven't read a smart and good book in a while

3. If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha 

    READ IF YOU: imagine Gossip Girl but set in Seoul and dealing with more important issues

4. Sheets by Brenna Thummler 

    READ IF YOU: need help dealing with grief and also like the color pink

5. All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg 

    READ IF YOU: are or have been a self-absorbed person at any point in time

6. Human Acts by Han Kang 

    READ IF YOU: have never heard of the Gwangju Massacre in South Korea

7. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott 

    READ IF YOU: want to have some soft feelings

8. Cowboys Are My Weakness: Stories by Pam Houston 

    READ IF YOU: want to be a cowboy and/or have sex with one

9. Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love by Jonathan Van Ness 

    READ IF YOU: need a role model to gentely tell you things you need to hear

10. How to Date Men When You Hate Men by Blythe Robertson 

    READ IF YOU: hate the patriarchy but still want a boyfriend while hating yourself for wanting a boyfriend

11. You Think It, I'll Say It by Curtis Sittenfeld 

    READ IF YOU: need to feel called out for things you probably didn't do but what if you did?

12. Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides 

    READ IF YOU: haven't read a generational story in awhile or want a more literary version of Flowers in the Attic

13. Tangerine by Christine Mangan 

    READ IF YOU: want The Talented Mr. Ripley with a dash of The Bell Jar

14. Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo 

    READ IF YOU: haven't re-read this classic in the last five years

15. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer 

    READ IF YOU: want to feel anxious, angry, and in awe

Happy reading! 

Books in Translation: Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami (Japan)

Translated by David Boyd and Sam Bett

Once I committed to read at least one translated book a month in 2020 (and hopefully the rest of my life), I then had the fun task of researching which books I want to read next. I requested and got approved for many 2020 releases from NetGalley, so I'm excited to share my reviews with you all. Hopefully Books in Translation becomes a series here on Vitae Victoria!

Breasts and Eggs follows two sisters and the elder sister's daughter. The present day timelines takes place in Tokyo, whereas flashbacks of the sisters growing up take you back to Osaka.

I started reading this book when I was in Osaka for the first time, in Japan for the first time, and I'm so glad I did. Little details in this book opened my eyes to details I would've missed while traveling. Hostess bars, cultural mindsets, and struggles of a socioeconomic group that I never would've come into contact with as a tourist.

I definitely enjoyed the second half of the book over the first. Both halves of the book deal with interesting themes of motherhood and growing up, but the second half explores the complicated process of choosing single motherhood and in-vitro fertilization. The main character reminds me a bit of the protagonist in Convenience Store Woman, another popular book from Japan, because they're both a little different and decide to live their lives on their own terms, despite what society thinks. (Aside from that the books are very different, please don't compare these books further, they're both great in their own way!)

I look forward to reading more of Kawakami and hope more of her works are translated into English soon!

Links to buy:
Bookshop.org
Fountain Bookstore
Indiebound
also check your local library!

Kissing Oscar Wilde's Tomb

Instead of going with my friends to the Louvre, I decided to take a long, long walk in the Paris springtime to the Pére Lachaise Cemetery to meet some famous dead people and do some tomb kissing. 

shaded walk in the maze-like cemetery

It's a cheeky thing to do, kissing the grave of a dead person, but I think Wilde would have loved it.

Photo credit

Look how beautiful it is! Sadly, removing the lipstick and graffiti slowly wears away at the stone, so in 2011 they erected a glass barrier to keep the smoochers off. Although it doesn't feel as fun or romantic, people still kiss the glass to keep the tradition alive.

My reflection with a lipstick mark. It's been exactly 3 years since I took this photo so I can't remember if the lips are mine or not. 

I arrived at the cemetery a little too close to closing time so I wasn't able to see all of the people I wanted to visit. (Gertrude Stein is hard to find.) If you go, go early because the cemetery is HUGE and beautiful. I recommend taking a book and some snacks so you have plenty of energy to interact with all the spirits of great artists around you. 

I Was Wrong About Paris

I copied the poem "Paris in the Rain" by Alysia Harris into my journal with some ticket stubs. You should watch her performance of the poem, it's amazing.

Many people will disagree but this is a hill I'm willing to die on: France is the America of Europe. There, I said it. If you're French you'll probably be annoyed by that comparison but don't take it personally; I don't take it personally when people shit on America. It's fine, you'll live.

Anyways, the French are the Americans are Europe. (These are all generalizations I AM AWARE. No country is just one thing.) They think they're the best, they probably don't like foreigners messing up their nice stroll in the park to stop and take a picture, if you're in France you BETTER speak French or you're uneducated scum. Do any of these attitudes ring familiar?

I am aware that Americans have a bad reputation abroad, especially in France so I expected them to have the same animosity towards me. And many people were rude to me! I won't go into specifics but I promise you I was trying to be my normal polite self, using as much French as I could when required. But I didn't give a shit about how rude the native French people were because Paris was just too damn beautiful!

(Jk I will go into specifics about a funny incident. I was walking and passed by a cute dog so I said hello to the dog like usual, and the dogs owner called me a "stupid American" in French! Like damn, I just want to greet your dog. I hope that dog is doing okay with their bitter owner.)

Just look at this building!

Look at this place! Someone with a better memory than me will know what this cathedral is called, but all I know is that it's beautiful (and older than my country).

The Catacombs! We waited in line forever to get inside (underneath?) and it was 100% worth it. Definitely pay extra for the audio tour so you can actually learn stuff instead of looking at piles of skulls the whole time.

Hello sir!

I hadn't seen Moulin Rouge at this point (was forced to watch it later that summer in Slovakia) but I followed along with my friends. I took a picture of them in front of it and accidentally stepped on a grate, blowing up my dress for everyone to see, Marilyn Monroe style but less graceful. 

I ended up enjoying my time to the fullest, eating a baguette and drinking very cheap champagne in front of this great beauty. 

Alone in London

Everyone Welcome

Aside from the places I've lived, London is my Most Visited City. On my most recent visit I was only supposed to have a short layover but the airline I was booked on went BANKRUPT, if you can believe it. The universe gave me a few more days in Europe and I was grateful to experience London in the fall for the first time. I stayed on the couch of a friend I met briefly the previous June in Slovakia and hung out with another friend that I met in Bosnia and Herzegovina in July. Life has a way of working itself out. 

London also happens to be the first place I wandered around on my own. 

can you BELIEVE

I bought tickets for the Harry Potter play a year and a half before it came out, when I wasn't even sure if I was studying abroad in Britain. The tickets went so quickly and I knew this was my only chance to buy them, so I figured I'd cough up the ticket refund fee if I couldn't go. 

cheap nosebleed seats but it was still amazing

The plot sucked but the production level was amazing. I'm sure anything on West End is fantastic simply because of the money and effort put into each performance.

I do love London. I wish the food and cafes were cheaper, but aside from that it's a great city for someone on a budget. SO many museums, £5 standing tickets at the Globe Theatre, and bus fare maxes out at £4.50 so it's way cheaper than taking the underground. On a sunny day I spent a lot of time on a bench in this park near the Thames, just because I could and it was free. 

 

Have you been to London? I feel like people have pretty polarizing feelings about it, so do you hate it or love it?

3rd Times the Charm (Scotland Edition)

first time seeing Edinburgh Castle

I have been to Scotland three times in my life. The first time when I was 18 and a senior in high school. We took a picture with a big rock at the Scottish/English border then went to Edinburgh for one night and I took a picture with that little dog statue.

sunset over the University of Glasgow

The second time I was 21, a junior in college, and on any given day I swung from mildy depressed yet functional to couldn't-get-out-of-bed severely depressed. The daylight situation during winter in Scotland is NOT an enriching environment for those who have a fickle relationship with serotonin. The sun rose around 9am and sank again a little after 3pm and I learned that I can never go that far north during the winter ever again. It's soul crushing. It was hard to make close friends and the friendships that I did have were fickle (and I just realized I used fickle twice in one paragraph but don't feel like changing it- that's how being 21 is: fickle fickle fickle). It was a blur of a semester and I was happy for it to end so I could be free to roam Europe how I pleased.

the station was so tiny I had to wave the train down or it wouldn't stop here

The third time I was 22 and almost three months into my post-college eastern Europe trip. I made a "detour" to Scotland to meet up with two close friends that I made in Slovakia the summer before. We rented a car and drove around the North Coast 500 and hiked to bothys, abandoned sheepherder cabins that are communally upkept by those who visit. I then spent a week with different friends in their cozy house in the Highlands, doing nothing but drinking, reading, and relaxing after three months of hostels.

I like Scotland more and more each time I go, and have gone further north each time too. But Scotland isn't the one that's changed over my visits, it's me. The more I love myself the more capacity I have for loving other places. It's a good thing to realize.

stuck in quarantine thoughts // the waiting game

As every 20-something is wont to do, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to do with my life. As of this time last year I had a loose plan that I was satisfied with: teach in Korea for a second year, travel around southeast Asia for a bit, do a working visa in Australia and/or New Zealand. Pretty much figure things out as I go, but always having an idea of my "next" step.

But then we found out my uncle has a brain tumor, one that has a 14-month life expectancy from diagnosis, and I knew I had to come home. No more teaching, no more Korea, no more travels. Obviously being home is emotionally and financially exhausting, especially with all of this corona business, but I know it's where I need to be right now. When people ask how long I plan on staying home, I tell them I plan to go back to Korea in August or September. It gives me something to look forward to and it makes others feel more comfortable if I have a plan.

But if we're being real here, I probably won't be going back to Korea this fall. Others are more hopeful about my uncle's recovery, but from where I'm standing it looks like it'll be a slow and steady decline, and I'll be needed even more then. Of course I hope God is real and he's in the mood to work some miracles, but nothing is for certain and I can't be signing any year long contracts anytime soon.

spending time mainly in bed or on the front porch

Now let's move on to a lighter, more relatable topic: what the hell should I do with my life?

For a couple days in self-isolation I was seriously considering becoming a teacher. I would love to teach English literature and I love working with kids, but I also know that the burnout rate for that job is so high. Plus, I would have to stay in the US awhile to become a licensed teacher, and I don't want to do that for a job that I'm not sure about doing long-term.

Being a travel blogger sounds cool, but I know I don't have the self-motivation or the ego for that. I want to talk about my FEELINGS, not boring stuff like "How to Spend 24 Hours in Busan". Anything that would be described as "content" is mindnumbingly boring to actually write. Also, I feel like a huge dumbass every time I post on here. The only thing more embarrassing than having a blog is having a blog that no one reads.

I love reading, but who's going to pay me to read all day?

I thought about the Peace Corps, but the thought of spending two years of my twenties in a super isolated community for a resume booster in a field I'm not even sure I want to pursue is probably not the best idea. Plus, with these family health issues I don't think I can be away for 27 months with no simple way of coming back.

I want to write novels, but I know that that isn't a stable or guaranteed job, so that needs to be something I do on the side. I'm close to finishing Draft 1 of a promising story, so hopefully I finish that during this sedentary time.

I don't want to go to grad school anytime soon. The thought of spending all that money and two years in one place makes me physically recoil.

trying to take cute photos on my first weekend in Jinju, March 2019

Things I DO know for sure: I want to keep traveling and living in different countries. I don't want to start a career anytime soon, because that would impede on my flexibility to travel. I want to write, but I don't have enough life experiences yet. Or I do, but I know I need to live way more life.

So what WILL I do with all my time in quarantine and while I'm home for the foreseeable future? I'm going to read a lot and try to finish writing a draft of this novel. I also realized I haven't really written about my ACTUAL travels, so maybe I'll go through my photos and post little snippets, quit bitching on this blog and actually post about travel. Yeah, I'll do that. 

I'm more worried about COVID-19 in the US than when I was in Korea

I was in Korea when the coronavirus outbreak first happened in China. It felt very distant and I wasn't worried. A few people had the virus in Seoul, but everything was under control at first. Then Patient 31 infected over a thousand people at their church in Daegu, an hour and a half from my city, and the virus got a little bit closer.

Even though the massive spike was very concerning, the government cracked down and managed to get the spread under control. The population of Korea did a good job too at handling the situation. Hand sanitizer on every bus and in every restaurant and everyone wears masks. When there was a hoarding problem with masks, they implemented a system based off your birth year for when and how many masks you could buy. Everyone took it very seriously and I felt safe.

I thought I would feel more relaxed at home, but the anxiety is worse here. People aren't listening, the government isn't leading. My grandparents are old and my uncle just finished a round of chemo, one strong wind and they're all knocked down.

If a country doesn't have good healthcare, what do they even have? How can you claim to care for your people if your people are dying? To my very core I am an American, but the more I spend time in other countries the more I realize that America doesn't care for me as much as I care for her.

Korea isn't perfect, but I felt safer there than I do here. I hope I have the power to make America a safer place for everyone someday.

Consume This #11 (Quarantine Edition)

It's been a while since I posted one of these! I figured that since I'm self-quarantined for the next 14 days (3 down, 11 to go!), now would be a good time to share articles that I've been reading. By the end of self-quarantine Day 1 I was already bored out of my mind, so hopefully this list will help you out and keep you entertained, at least for an hour or two.

R E A D I N G

let's meet again in five years

how much can you really pay for quality?
this short story called Anne Boleyn Could Drink You Under the Table by Jules Archer
about audiobooks and snobbery and time
It Only Took 7 Social Media Platforms for Us to Fall in Love
this profile of Robert Pattinson is my favorite and I still love him
How to Make a Life From Scratch, a refugee story
have a little Rebecca Solnit as a treat
love this piece from Current Affairs about nation-states and borders
the Rules of dating and the painful ordeal of being known
How to Live on $36,000 a Year by F. Scott Fitzgerald (wow he really is a good writer, I should read more of his nonfiction)
the Catholic church should abolish the priesthood (can't argue with that!)
a fascinating story about the AIDS epidemic

W A T C H I N G  &  L I S T E N I N G

Daniel Sloss' Netflix specials (he's now in my top 3 with John Mulaney and Ali Wong)
Niall Horan's new album Heartbreak Weather

____________________________________________________

And with that, I have no more tabs open on my phone! I checked the dates and I opened some of them two freaking years ago. Can't believe it took a damn pandemic to get me to read half these articles.

I hope you all are going well. Godspeed everyone. 

playlists for the heartsick

I can't tell if I'm jetlagged or if waking up after exactly 6 hours of sleep is my new normal. Probably both.

Either way, I woke up at 4am and scrolled on my phone for an hour and a half, so now it's time to put my wired brain toward something a little more useful. Like a blog post only 10 people will read. Let's get it.

quote from a movie I watched on the plane home

Spotify playlists. I make a new one for every "era" of my life: one for each year of college, a new one for each big backpacking trip, one for all of my time in Korea, etc. But sometimes I notice a theme within these playlists, influenced by a strong emotion, and I am compelled to create an offshoot playlist.

So far I have two heartsick playlists, inspired by unrequited love (the only kind I know tbh). One is perfect for staring out a train window in Europe and feeling sorry for yourself (which is exactly what I did), and the other is great for getting deep into your emotions while still bopping around and doing the dishes.

I can't figure out how to embed playlists on this blog so I'll just link you to them. Have fun, have feelings.

I can't find a picture of the lyrics I love, so you'll just have to listen to Don't Delete the Kisses and wait for the gut punch

Playlist 1: T E R R I B L E   L O V E

Influences: Slovakia, train rides, Call Me By Your Name, crying on public transport but for different reasons, lots of The National

terrible love / the national 

sorrow / the national

england / the national

too much to ask / niall horan

tell me you love me / demi lovato

emotion / carly rae jepsen

want you back / haim

falling / haim

I wanna dance with somebody / whitney houston

the cure / lady gaga

fast car / tracy chapman

sleeping sickness / city and colour 

closer / tegan and sara

fools / troye sivan

what's love got to do with it / tina turner

boys / charlie xcx

ooh love / ria mae

futile devices / sufjan stevens

this scene murdered me

Playlist 2: heaven help me

Influences: Korea, when your heart hurts but you know you're still a bad bitch, yearning for love in general, that scene in Little Women where Jo says "I'm so lonely"

heaven help me / lizzo

all I wanna do / jay park, hoody, loco

stupid love / lady gaga

say it / maggie rogers

see you again / tyler the creator, kali uchis

adore you / harry styles

I think he knows / taylor swift

the archer / taylor swift

i'm so tired... / lauv, troye sivan

so hot you're hurting my feelings / caroline polachek

now I'm in it / haim

too much / carly rae jepsen

moderation / florence + the machine

love you for a long time / maggie rogers

someone's someone / monsta x

boyfriend / ariana grande, social house

does she / yuna, jay park

don't delete the kisses / wolf alice 

end game / taylor swift, ed sheeran, future

heartbreak weather / niall horan

put a little love on me / niall horan

no judgement / niall horan 

If you can't tell, Niall Horan just released a new album and it's full of bops. Happy listening and remember: the only way out is through.