crappy attention span

Regent's Park, London

I'm reading How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy and I've barely made it past the introduction but I already have so many thoughts. Thoughts I've had for a long time and they're still very jumbled but I think jumbled is good sometimes. All I know is that I have a shit attention span (and so do many people, I know I'm not alone) and it bugs me.

Here are my Attention Observations.

I finished all 50k words of NaNoWriMo, but I was lucky if I could write for 10 minutes at a time. That novel was the conglomerate of 5 minute chunks spread out over a day spread out over a month.

I work 40 hours a week but spend at least 8-10 hours of my free time at home working online, just because I want more money. I don't need more money at the moment, but I know future-me will appreciate it. I hate that.

Listening to music or podcasts or audiobooks on the walk to school, on the bus, in the elevator, while cleaning, in the shower, doing my skincare at night.

Switching between Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and oh yeah I forgot I had Tumblr on my phone, for HOURS a day. We all spend way more time on apps than we realize.

Going on Instagram or Twitter the moment I wake up.

Setting a timer and reading for 7 minute chunks at a time, because it's hard to do more.

Watching YouTube while eating.

Always always always pulling tugging biting at my nails.

Thinking about how I can monetize my spare time and interests.

I'm like my own inattentive parent, constantly shoving television or a new toy in front of my face because oh no the baby can't be bored for even one moment or she'll cry! 

So what? Let the baby cry. I want to be bored. I want focused boredom. I just want to focus on what actually brings me joy.

Will report back once I figure it out.

goals before 2019 ends

I can't remember my 2019 new year's resolution and at this point I don't care.

BUT! I'm going to end 2019 with a small bang! I know no one cares about other people's goals (lol) and no one reads this blog anyways, but I need to put this in writing so I feel accountable to myself.

All of my hobbies suffered during NaNoWriMo so I need to hop back on the horse and remember what it feels like to be a well-rounded human being.

SO HERE YA GO! GOALS!

• Read 70 books. My yearly goal is 50 but I'm at 65 right now and it'd be satisfying to hit the next number level.
• Finish My First 500 Korean Words. THEORETICALLY this book should take 50 days and I'm halfway through and it's taken me so much longer. I need to finish this damn vocab book! So I can move on and study more Korean! Speaking of studying Korean...
• Find a Korean tutor on Italki. I've lived here 10 months but my Korean progress is moving painfully slow. I know I need to invest money in it to hold myself accountable. I'm going to try the trial classes of a few teachers and then commit to one or two so I can take regular classes in 2020.

And that's that! I hope you end 2019 doing what you love. :)

attempting #NaNoWriMo for the millionth time

NaNoWriMo is the easy way of saying "National Novel Writing Month". The goal is to write 50,000 words of a brand new story during the month of November, about 1,667 words a day. The general consensus is that at 50,000 words a book turns from a novella into a novel, even though most traditionally published fiction books hover around 80,000 words. 

I've attempted NaNoWriMo every year for the past nine years (since freshman year of high school!) with varying degrees of commitment and a 100% failure rate. 

In 2011, I wrote 20k words of a horrible cheesy Prince/commoner romance, obviously influenced by the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. 

In 2016, I wrote 30k words of a murder mystery campus novel set in Scotland (a place I wouldn't even visit until the year after). My pace started off strong but the post-election depression hit me HARD and I lost all interest in life aside from Parks & Rec reruns. 

Last year, in 2018, I gave up after 6,000 words. 

I never expected to actually complete NaNoWriMo. It was always one of those lofty goals that sounds nice to achieve but I didn't think I had the discipline or talent.

But guess fucking what? I actually did it this year. The first 30k flew by joyfully. I ended each day feeling satisfied and proud of myself. But my motivation jumped off a cliff once I hit word #30,001. 

I dragged myself through the last 20k, bitching and moaning the entire way. 

There are plenty of "shortcuts" people take to stretch out their word count, but I didn't want to write complete shit knowing I'd have to just edit it later. I can honestly say that I'm proud of all 50,004 words. They need HEAVY editing, but I'm glad I finally have something to edit.