I'm more worried about COVID-19 in the US than when I was in Korea

I was in Korea when the coronavirus outbreak first happened in China. It felt very distant and I wasn't worried. A few people had the virus in Seoul, but everything was under control at first. Then Patient 31 infected over a thousand people at their church in Daegu, an hour and a half from my city, and the virus got a little bit closer.

Even though the massive spike was very concerning, the government cracked down and managed to get the spread under control. The population of Korea did a good job too at handling the situation. Hand sanitizer on every bus and in every restaurant and everyone wears masks. When there was a hoarding problem with masks, they implemented a system based off your birth year for when and how many masks you could buy. Everyone took it very seriously and I felt safe.

I thought I would feel more relaxed at home, but the anxiety is worse here. People aren't listening, the government isn't leading. My grandparents are old and my uncle just finished a round of chemo, one strong wind and they're all knocked down.

If a country doesn't have good healthcare, what do they even have? How can you claim to care for your people if your people are dying? To my very core I am an American, but the more I spend time in other countries the more I realize that America doesn't care for me as much as I care for her.

Korea isn't perfect, but I felt safer there than I do here. I hope I have the power to make America a safer place for everyone someday.

Consume This #11 (Quarantine Edition)

It's been a while since I posted one of these! I figured that since I'm self-quarantined for the next 14 days (3 down, 11 to go!), now would be a good time to share articles that I've been reading. By the end of self-quarantine Day 1 I was already bored out of my mind, so hopefully this list will help you out and keep you entertained, at least for an hour or two.

R E A D I N G

let's meet again in five years

how much can you really pay for quality?
this short story called Anne Boleyn Could Drink You Under the Table by Jules Archer
about audiobooks and snobbery and time
It Only Took 7 Social Media Platforms for Us to Fall in Love
this profile of Robert Pattinson is my favorite and I still love him
How to Make a Life From Scratch, a refugee story
have a little Rebecca Solnit as a treat
love this piece from Current Affairs about nation-states and borders
the Rules of dating and the painful ordeal of being known
How to Live on $36,000 a Year by F. Scott Fitzgerald (wow he really is a good writer, I should read more of his nonfiction)
the Catholic church should abolish the priesthood (can't argue with that!)
a fascinating story about the AIDS epidemic

W A T C H I N G  &  L I S T E N I N G

Daniel Sloss' Netflix specials (he's now in my top 3 with John Mulaney and Ali Wong)
Niall Horan's new album Heartbreak Weather

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And with that, I have no more tabs open on my phone! I checked the dates and I opened some of them two freaking years ago. Can't believe it took a damn pandemic to get me to read half these articles.

I hope you all are going well. Godspeed everyone. 

playlists for the heartsick

I can't tell if I'm jetlagged or if waking up after exactly 6 hours of sleep is my new normal. Probably both.

Either way, I woke up at 4am and scrolled on my phone for an hour and a half, so now it's time to put my wired brain toward something a little more useful. Like a blog post only 10 people will read. Let's get it.

quote from a movie I watched on the plane home

Spotify playlists. I make a new one for every "era" of my life: one for each year of college, a new one for each big backpacking trip, one for all of my time in Korea, etc. But sometimes I notice a theme within these playlists, influenced by a strong emotion, and I am compelled to create an offshoot playlist.

So far I have two heartsick playlists, inspired by unrequited love (the only kind I know tbh). One is perfect for staring out a train window in Europe and feeling sorry for yourself (which is exactly what I did), and the other is great for getting deep into your emotions while still bopping around and doing the dishes.

I can't figure out how to embed playlists on this blog so I'll just link you to them. Have fun, have feelings.

I can't find a picture of the lyrics I love, so you'll just have to listen to Don't Delete the Kisses and wait for the gut punch

Playlist 1: T E R R I B L E   L O V E

Influences: Slovakia, train rides, Call Me By Your Name, crying on public transport but for different reasons, lots of The National

terrible love / the national 

sorrow / the national

england / the national

too much to ask / niall horan

tell me you love me / demi lovato

emotion / carly rae jepsen

want you back / haim

falling / haim

I wanna dance with somebody / whitney houston

the cure / lady gaga

fast car / tracy chapman

sleeping sickness / city and colour 

closer / tegan and sara

fools / troye sivan

what's love got to do with it / tina turner

boys / charlie xcx

ooh love / ria mae

futile devices / sufjan stevens

this scene murdered me

Playlist 2: heaven help me

Influences: Korea, when your heart hurts but you know you're still a bad bitch, yearning for love in general, that scene in Little Women where Jo says "I'm so lonely"

heaven help me / lizzo

all I wanna do / jay park, hoody, loco

stupid love / lady gaga

say it / maggie rogers

see you again / tyler the creator, kali uchis

adore you / harry styles

I think he knows / taylor swift

the archer / taylor swift

i'm so tired... / lauv, troye sivan

so hot you're hurting my feelings / caroline polachek

now I'm in it / haim

too much / carly rae jepsen

moderation / florence + the machine

love you for a long time / maggie rogers

someone's someone / monsta x

boyfriend / ariana grande, social house

does she / yuna, jay park

don't delete the kisses / wolf alice 

end game / taylor swift, ed sheeran, future

heartbreak weather / niall horan

put a little love on me / niall horan

no judgement / niall horan 

If you can't tell, Niall Horan just released a new album and it's full of bops. Happy listening and remember: the only way out is through. 

Last Day in Korea

Today is my last full day in Korea and I feel like I have indigestion. My lungs feel tight and every few breaths I feel a sharp pang. All I've had to eat so far today is a bowl of bibimbap and a convenience store coffee, nothing out of the usual and nothing that should make my body react like this.

But sometimes your body knows your emotions before your mind has time to register. I wasn't feeling particularly stressed or sad about leaving, but I'm also not trying to think about it too hard because then I will start crying. And crying gives me a headache and the last thing I want is a throbbing head before I get on a 13 hour flight (and then a 6 hour flight, and then a 1 hour flight...the world is too large).

Even though I've been chilling unemployed in Jinju for the past week, I think my body needs time to rest in my own space (trying to be a good house guest is exhausting). I'll be on self-quarantine for two weeks when I return, so I'll have time to sleep and not drink alcohol and exercise and blend some smoothies and read lots.

I'm not excited to go home (no real job, a dying uncle, the family repercussions that go along with that) but it will be nice to have my own space again. I'll have my bookshelves and my skincare and comfy flannel sheets and a dog to pet. Maybe my chest will stop hurting then.