Ideal Future

Front porch.

Dog.

Book.

Coffee.

What country am I in? Don't know.

What's my occupation? No idea.

How much money do I have? Enough to afford a dog, book, coffee, and a front porch. 

6 Months Living in Korea

been to a lot of temples

It's hard to believe that I left the United States six months ago! Six months isn't my longest time abroad (that's eight months), but six months is the longest time I've spent in any place that isn't America. 

Ranking of places I've spent the most time:

1. USA (21 years)

2. Korea (6 months)

3. Scotland (5 months)

4. Slovakia (2 months)

And all the other countries I've spent anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks.

So how am I dealing? How does it feel? 

Well, when I was in Taiwan for a week I was EXCITED to get back to Korea. To be in my apartment and my own bed and to see my friends and have the schedule of going to work and seeing my students. 

I'm not really homesick. Of course, I miss my family and I really should call them more often, but I use that guilt to send them postcards fairly often. People LOVE postcards. If you're reading this you should go send someone a letter. Bonus points if it's to a different country. 

I'm sure I'll get homesick around the holidays. I've spent three 4th of July's away from home but I've never missed a Thanksgiving or Christmas, so I'm sure that'll suck emotionally. 

6 months. Still going strong. Cheers to 6 months more. Time truly does pass too quickly. 

Independence Day: Cherry Blossoms and Colonialism in Korea

I wrote this back in April but never published it, so here ya go! I added a little more and revised it for August 15th, Korea's independence day.

cherry blossoms behind my school

My favorite thing about traveling is the opportunity to learn about history where it happened. The more I travel the more I realize that this world is filled with billions and billions of stories. I will never have the time to learn about every facet of every place and that saddens me, but it also gives me the drive to learn as much as I can when I have the chance to do so.

I knew next to nothing about Korean history before I came. The American public school system does Korea, and all of Asia, so dirty. I know that the US was involved in a war here and I know a little about the drama with North Korea and nuclear proliferation, but that's it. Let me share with you one interesting fact I've learned since being here.

April is National Poetry Month, so I've been writing a poem a day. And yes, they are all shit. However, one of my shitty poems led me down a path of historical knowledge. I decided to write about the cherry blossoms since they line my walk to school and are blooming EVERYWHERE, so I brought up their Wikipedia page just to learn a little bit more.

"The origins of cherry blossoms in South Korea is contentious. The Japanese planted Yoshino cherry trees at Seoul's Changgyeonggung Palace and the viewing of cherry blossoms was introduced to Korea during Japanese rule.^[51] The festivals continued even after the Japanese surrendered at the end of WWII but have been controversial, and many cherry trees were cut down to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the Japanese surrender because they were seen as symbols of the occupation."

Who knew that cherry blossoms could be a symbol of colonialism? Now we know!

Traveling as a white monolingual American has forced me to think long and hard about colonialism and globalism and the exchange of cultures. How people with my skin color have done terrible things to others. How people who speak my sole language have forced that language upon others, to the point where I can travel to almost anywhere and get around just fine without learning the local language. (The English language is a WHOLE other post for some other time. I have so many thoughts about English. Language is such an intrinsic part of us and I don't think native English speakers spend enough time thinking about how LUCKY we are to be born into this language.) I think about how my American passport grants me access to so, so many countries and people and cultures that others are barred from ever experiencing just because we were born between different borders.

I'm very thankful to Korea for allowing me to live and work in their country. I have learned so much already. Not to undermine their history but to make it brief since I can't sum up a country's entire history in one blog post, but man Korea has had a shit time. Invasion and war and rape and oppression. Japan removed itself in 1945 and the Korean War ended in 1953. The progress this country has made in 66 years is outstanding. This country's history deserves a lot more attention from people on the outside (as does every country, but this is where I currently am so of course that's where my attention is focused) so I'll link a few books and articles below if you want to do further reading. This is a very short list of resources but don't worry, I'm working on an exhaustive list of Korean reading material. :)

Books:

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick

Please Look After Mom by Kyung-Sook Shin

The Korean War by Max Hastings

Articles:

Korean Skin Care Secrets

Anton Hur's blog 

good English site for Korean news, about Korea from Korea

grateful + thankful + LUCKY

family photos on my fridge

I am extremely grateful for my life. I am very lucky. Of course, I've had some really shit times and I'm sure I'll have shit times again, but now I am thankfully much more mentally and emotionally capable of dealing with those shit times. Maybe it's maturity or maybe it's the SSRI's, but either way, I'm thankful for my life.

I have friends in almost every time zone. A family that will always be there for me if/when I need it. Seven library cards from different libraries that all sync with my Libby account so I'm never stranded without a book on my kindle or audiobook in my ears. A job that I love. Enough money to consistently have tasty food. Enough money to travel. A nice boy texting me. Air conditioning. An American passport.
I hate it when travel bloggers say shit like "I'm not lucky! I worked hard to get here!" Like I'm sure you did boo. We've all worked hard, you ain't special.

I typed and erased so many metaphors about life and luck and self-worth. Things about cookies crumbling. Silver spoons. Goats. Idk.

Lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky.

I Want to Get a Master's Degree (or three), but I Probably Won't

I love education. I love reading and learning and discussing what I've read and learned with people who are smarter than me.

Traveling is amazing for the sake of travel alone, but my main drive behind wanting to visit and live in other countries is so that I can learn history FROM the people it happened to IN the places it happened. I've gained a lot of knowledge that is helpful to my development as a person, but I can't really put that on a job application.

The other problem is that I don't just want one career. This world is so huge! There are so many things to love and learn! Imagine working in the SAME job your entire life.

I have three main interests right now and would love to study them in a formal setting, to give myself structure and guidance from those who know more than me.

1. Masters of Teaching, English Secondary Education. Working in Korea has shown me that I do have the potential to be a good teacher. I connect well with my students and I enjoy trying to craft lessons that will engage all of them. Imagine if I was actually teaching a subject I loved and enjoyed? (Not that I don't love teaching the English language, but there's only so much you can accomplish at this level.) If I get my teaching certification I can teach at any secondary school anywhere in the world, wherever there's a need. It would also be nice to have a backup for if/when I return to the United States. I remember the impact my high school English teacher had on me and I know I could be that person for others.
Length of program: 1 year. Cost of program: $20,000.

2. Masters in Postcolonial Cultural and Literature. Postcolonialism is a subset of literary studies that really struck me during my undergraduate degree, but I didn't have the chance to take any classes and dive deep. I think I've mentioned this somewhere here before, but I'm really into dissecting the power structures of literally every subject and situation. It's rather tiring and unnecessary in many situations, but it's perfect for analyzing the effects of colonialism and all of its fucked up layers of power.
Length of program: 1 year. Cost of program: $20,000.

3. Masters in Public Health. Concentration in women's health and reproductive rights on a global scale. If I had to choose only one it'd be this one. I can see a long career for myself in this field which is why I'm hesitant to actually research and apply to graduate schools. Once I start down this path I'll most likely keep going and won't have the freedom to fuck off to South America for a year or two. Length of program: 2 years. Cost of program: $40,000.

Total: 4 years of full-time education and at least $60,000. Ain't nobody got the time and money for all of that.

The problem is that I don't WANT to choose just one. I want to be well-rounded! I want to do many things in my life! I want my experiences to build on each other! I think that what I learn as a teacher in different countries can improve my focus in postcolonial literature and culture which can then give me the skills to be a more mindful and empathetic person in the global health sector. 

And it's not like I want to pursue these masters degrees because I'm scared of the "real world" (whatever the hell that means). I want to use my knowledge to be a contributing member of society and improve people's lives for the better! Who can fault me for that?

And in between all this, there's still the whole world left to see. South America, Central America, Southeast Asia, Oceania, Antartica, the Canadian prairies, most of America. Italy. Greece. Spend more time in the Balkans. Anywhere and everywhere I can get my hands on, really. 

And between all of THAT I would like to have kids someday. (I say "someday" as if I'm not a woman with a biological clock that's already halfway done ticking.) I want to spend as much time with my grandparents as possible. I want to be there for my cousins when they go through their teenage years. I have lots of books I need to read. Movies to see. People to talk to. Sunsets to look at and sunrises to sleep through. Mountains to climb. 

How can I do everything? I can't. And I won't. But goddammit if I'm not going to try. 

I Don't Think I'm a Writer

sunrise over Tongyeong, South Korea

I don't think I'm a writer. "Writer" has always been a part of my identity ever since I was a kid. I've planned countless novels and started writing a few, but have never finished a first draft. I've participated in two NaNoWriMo's (National Novel Writing Month) but didn't complete either. The furthest I got was 30k words on my second try. No, wait. I think I got to the 25 days mark my junior year of high school but gave up for some reason. I can't even remember but that's not the point.

The point is that I don't think I'm a writer. I'm definitely not a poet. I participated in National Poetry Writing Month in April and got about two weeks in before forgetting to continue. My poems are complete shit (this isn't me being self-deprecating; poetry is a SKILL that takes a lot of study and practice) but it was cathartic and it felt good producing words even when I knew they'd be shit. Not caring felt good.

I say I'm not a writer because I don't write often. Now there is a debate on whether you're a writer or not based on how often you actually write but we're not getting into that right now.  I actually really like the last two posts I've posted on here (which I won't link to because I'm L A Z Y!) and I do see myself improving as the years go by, which I'm proud of considering how rarely I actually produce anything.

But that's the thing. Writers produce. But I think I'm still in my consuming stage of life. Which is GOOD. I think our twenties especially are supposed to be about consuming. To not assume that I know anything about the world. To soak up and absorb every detail and experience I can. Who has the TIME to write, to retreat into my skull and pull out the bits that actually make sense, when I have so much living to do. So many people to talk to. So many places to see. So many books to read. God! There are so many books I want to read! (It saddens me to think that the human life span is not long enough to read all the books on my Goodreads to-read list.)

So I don't think I'm a writer, not yet anyway. I have a feeling I will be someday though, so I'm going to spend my time collecting as much material for her as I can. I hope she's more capable of making sense of all the complexities of human life than I am because man is it hard.

Godspeed, Future Writer Victoria, I wish you the best. Now it's time for me to go out and give you something to write about.