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| Lviv, Ukraine |
It's my last first day as a college student. In four months I will no longer hold the title of "student" and will have to find other ways to define myself. I'll no longer be an active sorority member (I'll be a sister in my organization forever of course, just as an alumna), I won't be an Honor Council member anymore, won't have my job in the tutoring center or event staff to report to anymore.
It's crazy that I'm here. I remember being a sophomore in high school, absolutely HATING my life for multiple reasons (some very valid, other just normal teenage angst) and counting down the months until I could go to university and escape. Every old person told me to "enjoy your time in college, it'll be over in a blink of an eye" and I was like YEAH RIGHT. High school dragged on forever, I'm sure college will be the same.
Yet suddenly I'm four years older and 18 countries wiser and lived in Europe for 8 months and traveled around BY MYSELF to countries my parents didn't even know existed until I told them I made it safely to my hostel. Traveling solo may not be a big deal to many Europeans and Australians who are raised in the adventurous gap-year culture, but hot damn, 13-year-old Victoria is so proud of me right now.
I think that's the goal for my last first day and for the rest of my last semester of my first degree. To make 13-year-old Victoria proud (and 14 and 15 and 16 and...). If SHE'S proud of me, then there's no one left to impress.
That's what I've been mulling over, on my last first day. Accomplishments and goals and timelines. College is filled with them. College is also fairly easy. You're given a syllabus on the first day of class and as long as you organize your time well and study, you should be able to get a good grade. Hard work and a little brown-nosing with the professors practically guarantees you an A, as it should. The problem is, as I'm leaving academia for the first time, I'm realizing that life isn't like that. Your effort does not guarantee correlating results.
I hear you yelling at your computer, "DUH! Life isn't fair, sweetheart!". Please don't be concerned, I am painfully self-aware. I know that life isn't fair and nothing is guaranteed, but that doesn't change the fact that kids are raised with the mantra "Work hard, be kind, and good things will happen to you". Which is an ideal people need to have or everyone would give up and nothing would ever happen and daily life would suck.
At this point in my life, during this messy, confusing, transition period, I'm starting to learn that hard work doesn't guarantee happiness and good things, but I have to believe it does anyway.
Believe in yourself, kid, and hopefully good things will happen. Because they must.