2020 Reading

Will update this post throughout 2020! These are not ALL the books I've read in 2020, just the ones that fulfill my bare-minimum reading goals for the year.

To find everything I read, follow me on Goodreads.

January

1. Translated: Human Acts by Han Kang (Korea)
2. Unread Shelf: Edinburgh by Alexander Chee
3. Library: Save Me the Plums by Ruth Reichl
4. Audiobook: The Last Tudor by Philippa Gregory

February

1. Translated: b, Book, and Me by Kim Sagwa (Korea)
2. Unread Shelf: Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
3. Library: In at the Deep End by Kate Davies
4. Audiobook: You by Caroline Kepnes

March

1. Translated: Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami (Japan)
2. Unread Shelf: Lunch in Paris by Elizabeth Bard
3. Library: 
4. Audiobook: Women's Work by Megan K. Stack

April

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

May

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

June

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

July

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

August

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

September

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

October

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

November

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

December

1. Translated: 
2. Unread Shelf: 
3. Library:
4. Audiobook: 

No Longer a Teacher

pink cafe in Jinju, Korea

My babies (aka 16 year old teenagers) graduated yesterday. None of the blogs prepared me for this, for falling in love with 518 students and then having your heartbroken 518 times when you have to say goodbye. 

I KNOW I'll miss them more than they miss me, since they've had foreign English teachers before and will have many more in the future. But these were my first kids and I am grateful for every single one of them. 

They'll grow up to do great things and I hope I made English as fun and welcoming as possible. 

Brb need to go before I start crying in the office again. 

I'm Leaving Korea

I'm leaving Korea, a fact that I should probably have led with instead of writing about my feelings.

I had every intention to stay a second year, to move schools to work at a kindergarten and work with my friend and fall in love with adorable Korean children. That was how my 2020 was supposed to play out.

At the end of December we found out my uncle has brain cancer. It's not one of those "Get Well Soon!" and "Stay Strong! You Can Do This!" tumors. It's a matter of time tumor.

No one's forcing me to come home, but I know where I'm needed. Korea loves me but Korea doesn't need me. I COULD stay, but I know myself. I'd be a worried wreck and crying all the time and feeling sorry for myself on top of feeling sorry for my family.

I like being useful so I must go home.

I'm sure I'll come back to Korea someday, whether as soon as this fall or 50 years from now when I've forgotten everything except annyeonghasaeyo.

So this post is sad, but also a reminder to live your goddamn life. You could do everything the way you're supposed to do and still get brain cancer at 42 so you might as do whatever you want while you can.

I have no idea if I'm going to write on this blog when I'm home. I hate writing for my travel (slash book slash feelings slash whatever) blog when I'm in America. I have lots of stories and lots of pictures to share from my time in Korea though, so I'll probably retroactively post, the way I do with my Instagram. Never post anything in real time, baby!

I have a few travel plans in the works (Jeju Island, Japan, maybe Vietnam) before I return to the motherland. My life isn't stopping or pausing just because I'll be home, a fact I've had to remind myself of a few times. This is my life, this is happening. I can't believe this is happening. This shouldn't be happening.

Writing is Hard

Writing is hard.

I never know how to begin or end. Most times I don't even know what to put in the middle. I just have a feeling or a vibe that I try to get across with black marks on a computer screen and then out in the world for six people to read (I have no idea who you people are, all I know is that I consistently get a minimum of 6 views on whatever I post here). It's hard to get yourself from A to B when A and B are just hazy, abstract ideas and not actually defined locations on a map.

It's easy for me to be confident when others are anxious, but the second I sit at a computer and I'm truly alone with my own brain and own words and no one to entertain, I have no idea what to do with myself.

I wrote back in August that I don't think I'm a writer. Then I proceeded to write 50,004 words of a novel in November for NaNoWriMo. It's almost as if I need to lie to myself then prove myself wrong, trick myself into doing things that seem hard.

I know I need to get words down and send them out into the world, but I always get stuck at how. How do I summon the words, the purpose, the meaning. I read so many words by great writers that always leave me thinking: how the heck am I supposed to live up to that? It's time to give up, throw in the shovel and pick up the plow, start a vegetable garden. I really like cauliflower and squash. Produce something nourishing and useful for me and others.

I guess I'm looking for a calling, for someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do with my life. Maybe if I keep writing, I will eventually be able to tell myself.

I guess the only way out really is through. It be that way sometimes.

2020 Reading Plan

I don't like strict goals or feel like I'm forcing myself to read certain books (although I do like the Reading Women Challenge and may use it for inspiration). The fact that people have TBR (To Be Read) lists and plan out what they read for an ENTIRE YEAR! blows my mind.

HOWEVER, I do like to have goals. Not far-reaching goals; these are things I'm sure I can easily complete. I think of these goals as "bare minimum guidelines".

Each month in 2020, I will read:

1. 1 book from my home bookshelf
2. 1 translated work. In the same way you're missing out if you only listen to English songs, you're missing out if you only read English and Western-centered literature. My focus will be on authors from South Korea because of course.
3. 1 book from the library. I love supporting the library! Use it or lose it!
4. 1 audiobook. I get all my audiobooks from my library through the Libby app, so it's all free! (Also fuck Audible.)

I like this plan because it gives me guidance without feeling structured. I mainly read women anyways, but having a translation rule will make me read more diversely. Just look at these books from Korea that will be released in English in 2020, they all sound metal as fuck.

What do you want to read in 2020?