I Want to Get a Master's Degree (or three), but I Probably Won't

I love education. I love reading and learning and discussing what I've read and learned with people who are smarter than me.

Traveling is amazing for the sake of travel alone, but my main drive behind wanting to visit and live in other countries is so that I can learn history FROM the people it happened to IN the places it happened. I've gained a lot of knowledge that is helpful to my development as a person, but I can't really put that on a job application.

The other problem is that I don't just want one career. This world is so huge! There are so many things to love and learn! Imagine working in the SAME job your entire life.

I have three main interests right now and would love to study them in a formal setting, to give myself structure and guidance from those who know more than me.

1. Masters of Teaching, English Secondary Education. Working in Korea has shown me that I do have the potential to be a good teacher. I connect well with my students and I enjoy trying to craft lessons that will engage all of them. Imagine if I was actually teaching a subject I loved and enjoyed? (Not that I don't love teaching the English language, but there's only so much you can accomplish at this level.) If I get my teaching certification I can teach at any secondary school anywhere in the world, wherever there's a need. It would also be nice to have a backup for if/when I return to the United States. I remember the impact my high school English teacher had on me and I know I could be that person for others.
Length of program: 1 year. Cost of program: $20,000.

2. Masters in Postcolonial Cultural and Literature. Postcolonialism is a subset of literary studies that really struck me during my undergraduate degree, but I didn't have the chance to take any classes and dive deep. I think I've mentioned this somewhere here before, but I'm really into dissecting the power structures of literally every subject and situation. It's rather tiring and unnecessary in many situations, but it's perfect for analyzing the effects of colonialism and all of its fucked up layers of power.
Length of program: 1 year. Cost of program: $20,000.

3. Masters in Public Health. Concentration in women's health and reproductive rights on a global scale. If I had to choose only one it'd be this one. I can see a long career for myself in this field which is why I'm hesitant to actually research and apply to graduate schools. Once I start down this path I'll most likely keep going and won't have the freedom to fuck off to South America for a year or two. Length of program: 2 years. Cost of program: $40,000.

Total: 4 years of full-time education and at least $60,000. Ain't nobody got the time and money for all of that.

The problem is that I don't WANT to choose just one. I want to be well-rounded! I want to do many things in my life! I want my experiences to build on each other! I think that what I learn as a teacher in different countries can improve my focus in postcolonial literature and culture which can then give me the skills to be a more mindful and empathetic person in the global health sector. 

And it's not like I want to pursue these masters degrees because I'm scared of the "real world" (whatever the hell that means). I want to use my knowledge to be a contributing member of society and improve people's lives for the better! Who can fault me for that?

And in between all this, there's still the whole world left to see. South America, Central America, Southeast Asia, Oceania, Antartica, the Canadian prairies, most of America. Italy. Greece. Spend more time in the Balkans. Anywhere and everywhere I can get my hands on, really. 

And between all of THAT I would like to have kids someday. (I say "someday" as if I'm not a woman with a biological clock that's already halfway done ticking.) I want to spend as much time with my grandparents as possible. I want to be there for my cousins when they go through their teenage years. I have lots of books I need to read. Movies to see. People to talk to. Sunsets to look at and sunrises to sleep through. Mountains to climb. 

How can I do everything? I can't. And I won't. But goddammit if I'm not going to try. 

I Don't Think I'm a Writer

sunrise over Tongyeong, South Korea

I don't think I'm a writer. "Writer" has always been a part of my identity ever since I was a kid. I've planned countless novels and started writing a few, but have never finished a first draft. I've participated in two NaNoWriMo's (National Novel Writing Month) but didn't complete either. The furthest I got was 30k words on my second try. No, wait. I think I got to the 25 days mark my junior year of high school but gave up for some reason. I can't even remember but that's not the point.

The point is that I don't think I'm a writer. I'm definitely not a poet. I participated in National Poetry Writing Month in April and got about two weeks in before forgetting to continue. My poems are complete shit (this isn't me being self-deprecating; poetry is a SKILL that takes a lot of study and practice) but it was cathartic and it felt good producing words even when I knew they'd be shit. Not caring felt good.

I say I'm not a writer because I don't write often. Now there is a debate on whether you're a writer or not based on how often you actually write but we're not getting into that right now.  I actually really like the last two posts I've posted on here (which I won't link to because I'm L A Z Y!) and I do see myself improving as the years go by, which I'm proud of considering how rarely I actually produce anything.

But that's the thing. Writers produce. But I think I'm still in my consuming stage of life. Which is GOOD. I think our twenties especially are supposed to be about consuming. To not assume that I know anything about the world. To soak up and absorb every detail and experience I can. Who has the TIME to write, to retreat into my skull and pull out the bits that actually make sense, when I have so much living to do. So many people to talk to. So many places to see. So many books to read. God! There are so many books I want to read! (It saddens me to think that the human life span is not long enough to read all the books on my Goodreads to-read list.)

So I don't think I'm a writer, not yet anyway. I have a feeling I will be someday though, so I'm going to spend my time collecting as much material for her as I can. I hope she's more capable of making sense of all the complexities of human life than I am because man is it hard.

Godspeed, Future Writer Victoria, I wish you the best. Now it's time for me to go out and give you something to write about.

3 Summers Gone // Happy Fourth

Jinju sunrise

It's 8:45am in Korea which means that it's still the 4th of July in the US. It didn't hit me until yesterday, but I realized that this is my third 4th of July away from America. 2017 I was in Croatia. 2018 I was in Slovakia. And 2019 I'm in Korea.

I haven't experienced a summer in America in three years. That sounds so crazy to me.

Consume This #10

I haven't posted a 'Consume This' in FOREVER but I have so many open tabs on my computer AND phone (I checked and the oldest tab open on my phone is from April 2018, yikes) that I've been meaning to read so I figured I might as well share. I used to do a 'Consume This' round up every two weeks but I'm going to only curate them whenever I need to do a thorough digital purge. Onwards!

R E A D I N G

Dear Eros: a poem

an interview with Laura Jane Williams

Eating Alone in Paris

on ayn rand

What you need to know if you're unsure about having kids

author of Call Me By Your Name writes about the letters he's received from fans

a very cynical review of Call Me By Your Name (I've been in a mood, if you can't tell) and even though I wholeheartedly disagree with the review, the comments on the post are SO SMART (I forgot to add the link and now I CAN'T FIND THE REVIEW)

religious close-mindedness

I Travel the Open Road blogspot (it's a blog by a woman I met once last summer and she is just so beautiful and fascinating and I hope she doesn't get trackback links because her seeing this would be very embarrassing!!!)

The Myth of Traveling Light

the entire Unpacking series on Buzzfeed is high quality

Yvette Borup Andrews: a travel photographer in the early 1900s whose contributions are rarely talked about

Having an Abortion 7 Months Pregnant (my heart is BROKEN and I can't wait to go into the public health field someday and fight to make sure ALL women have safe and easy access to healthcare)

How Hostelworld is bad for owners AND customers (ALWAYS book directly when you can)

for the love of god please get a TINY bit of exercise a day

I've Wasted My Whole Life

I Want to Be Rich and I'm Not Sorry (mood)

a long article that sums up why I hate that "Girl, Wash Your Face" book

W A T C H I N G  &  L I S T E N I N G

Why modern country music sucks balls

Q U O T E

"Height is just a length." - Pang

Today is Thursday

Osan

I haven't posted in forever because I am constantly thinking about The Reader. The Reader is a person looking at my blog, maybe a family member, maybe an acquaintance from college, maybe a stranger, and they are having thoughts that I cannot control. No matter how many sentences I type, I cannot control what they think of me. So I draft countless upon countless of blog posts in my head but never bang them out on my Chromebook, since this faceless Reader paralyzes me. 

If there's one thing I want in life it is to be prolific. I want to live in many places and hike many mountains and read many books and learn many languages (I'll be happy with just ONE other language) and make as many people laugh as possible. 

I also want to be that bitch that blogs a lot. I want to be that bitch who curses on her private blog without worrying if her grandma will be disappointed if she ever reads it. I'm not that bitch yet, but I'm working on it. 

I'm learning Korean and even though my progress feels so painfully slow I know I'm making more progress than I realize. I can understand at least SOME bits of every conversation I hear at work. I can understand the simple sentences my kids say in class when they are confused. My pronunciation isn't good but I'm trying. Every day my desk buddy asks me "What day is it?" (in Korean, of course). Today I said, "Today is Thursday."

Three people clapped for me. Today IS Thursday.